# days @ Coachella: 1 people i showed how to break it down: 279
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
Randomize
