Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
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