im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
Randomize
