Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
redhead is getting on the bull...again red head is getting on the bull!
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
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