you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
Randomize
