So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
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