Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
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