My friends, they love my intelligence
I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
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