Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
Randomize
