i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
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