i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
So yeah never trust sex tips from yahoo answers
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
Randomize
