Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
Randomize
