I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
just saw ex-bf. should he be more embarrassed to be a college dropout working at rite aid or should i be because i was buying newports and rembrant?
tie
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
Randomize
