It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
Randomize
