How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
Randomize
