just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
I'm thinking we should try to start remembering stuff we do. Althought I kinda like feeling like Nancy Drew the next morning.
More like the Hardy Boys cause its kinda like a team effort.
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
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