Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
i think if you made a shrine it would be creepy
do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
Learned a lot. Like boys with frosted tips still exist. And that they're sensitive to constructive criticism.
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
Randomize