Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
Randomize
