if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
is it consensual if they're cheered on by a room filled with 30 people?
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
Randomize
