I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
Randomize