I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
and my herpes radar will keep us safe
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
Randomize
