i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
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