Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
Yea. But u kept saying "as long as she doesn't have aids" so I was concerned
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
Randomize
