I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
Dear everyone. As mark stated i did the 'piss n run' last night. This is all new to me and it scares me. Again, sorry. "if i could turn back time" -cher
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
Randomize
