i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
Randomize
