Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
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