Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
I would like to add..this is the first november for two years that i haven't cheated on a bf...thank you..thank you
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
Randomize
