BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
they call him Oral-B. enough said
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
Randomize