why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
Randomize
