After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
i dont know what to do
with your life?
no, with my silly bandz, im already wearing 3
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
Randomize
