We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
Randomize
