Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
Randomize
