She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
Randomize
