real busy. everything is packed. thats why we ended up at the strip club
She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
Randomize
