I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
Randomize
