How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
Randomize
