She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
Randomize
