Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
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