i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
Threesome in a minivan. New low
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
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