when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
All I want is dick and wine.
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
Randomize
