I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
Randomize
