so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
It doesn't have to be a walk of shame...just pretend he took you to breakfast.
No one shows this much boob at breakfast
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
Randomize
