That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
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