There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
Randomize