Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
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