You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
Randomize
