why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
Tornado booty call.. dedication
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
Nobody cheats on THIS.
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
Randomize
