VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
Randomize
