she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
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