Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
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