Bc you can definitely buy condoms if ur a 14 year old girl
remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
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