And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
You are a booty call, not a friend.
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
Randomize
