People with herpes should wear stickers.
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
Randomize