It's Friday. Sex?
I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
Randomize
