I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
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