only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
The uberlube is also flammable
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
Randomize
