Do you still have your period?
Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
Randomize
