last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
Randomize
