I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
Is it bad that when my prof gave examples of "stalking" behavior, I either have done or would do most of them?
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
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