So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
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