i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
Randomize