did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
Randomize
