my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
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