Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
Randomize
