i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
Randomize
